Fade Out

there is nothing more satisfying in this world than knowing. knowledge is truth, and truth is very satisfying. but what happens when what we know gets taken from us, the worst thing ever. a fucking mental breakdown, mental gymnastics begin to come into play and we try to justify what has happen before we crash. reality sets in and the loss becomes apparent. if we didn't know, it wouldn't have hurt so much. that's the flaw in knowing things physical. they can always be taken away or altered in ways that will destroy what you have become dependent upon and believed in. reality is not absolute, it can and will change. reality is a concept that we are all creating and changing in our minds everyday. the changes within your mind seem to be dependent upon acts of the physical world, we manipulate people and objects to attempt satisfaction. when you think of this it seems that reality is nothing more than an image in your mind that can be transformed using a mere thought, you can control who you think you are. should you think of who you are? it seems obsolete. there are some factors of reality that shouldn't be fucked with if you are trying to attain this satisfaction. trying to change yourself to match others doesn't make you happy. it may make you feel accepted, but this is temporary and strange place to be, if you've come this far into thinking yourself into being like them, you probablt won't be comfortable with yourself for a little while. the way things ought to be is far out of sight now, hope for a golden age of peace can begin to grow as people become aware of these things. but as it is hoped to grow it dies slow. my sentences are becoming fragments and my words are wearing thin. the thoughts i'm forcing out are an attempt to justify my own dissatisfaction with the world around me. my wants are no longer existent because it's all the same. what do you do when there is nothing more that seems within reach. the shallow thoughts of the world ring clear through the ambitions and desires of the youth, and we are convinced that the purpose of life is power. anyone who believes otherwise is insane, they pose no purpose to the greedy proud powerfreaks.

i was once proud, proud of who i was and what i had, proud of who i wanted to become. proud of my ever increasing greed and wanting. this in turn forced me to look down upon those with goals opposing my own. goals that were not in line with what i believed to be real. there was alot of pain in this pride, when it was threatened; cowardly measures would ensure that it was never brought into the open for someone to diminish who i believed myself to be. there are simple ways to work around other peoples ego's, to allow your own to continue existing until someone who is conscious of what you are doing enlightens you to the fact. except this enlightenment would look alot different at the time due to the fact that one without ego will not find themselves in these awkward work around situations. people will assume your ego, they will have based their assumptions on achievements and ability, so they may hit you with something that they believe will satisfy your ego to gain a step up. IF they feel 'they' (there ego) is superior to yours then they may try and bring you a step down. the non-egoist will continue with there duties, until the egoist party has hung them self to the point of a mental breakdown, there will be so many measures taken by the egoist to accompany the non-egoist that it becomes extremely difficult for the egoist to maintain without showing 'true colors'. then will crack and it will all come out in the open, everything they have been doing has been assumed and has been eating away at where they think they should stand because of how good they think they are, meanwhile the humble non-egoist person has become quite successful and has maintained happiness. the short spurt of happiness that this ego tripper was feeling can never be maintained. the ego will force the person into dark places to maintain satisfaction and will drive them to either: unhappiness, insanity, death, or a position of mass cruelty (adolf hitler). sadly, people have rode this wave until the end, in the past. they have been praised in history for there achievements, the suffering that they put them self and others through would have been tremendous and may likely be recorded with their historical achievements.